i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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