I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
