When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
