my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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