now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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