8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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