You work out of a Hotel?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
