Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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