I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
