party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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