and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
