I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
