You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
