Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize