we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
