Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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