You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
