Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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