Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
