Duck Duck Cougar?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize