I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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