32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
