every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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