The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
