During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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