How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
