You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize