Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
where are my eyebrows?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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