So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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