final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
