Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
