Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
