I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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