pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
