i barfeds in our rink
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
