I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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