I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
