hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
