It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I stole a fireplace last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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