They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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