I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize