Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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