SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
