I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
