when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
