I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
