Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
