you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
