It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize