what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
