literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
