My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
