she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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