a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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