So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
