Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
