how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
