She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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