i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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