Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
false alarm. still invincible.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
