I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
