last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
