I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
