This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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