how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
