im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
