i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your penis caused this!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
