Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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