Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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