I look better un-naked...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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