Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize