Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
