theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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