i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
