I am in a vortex of obligation.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
