I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
