this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
