Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
