I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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