Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
