Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize