i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
