I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
