I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can text with my tongue
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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