I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
