So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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