happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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