is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ketchup is God's man juice
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
