She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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