She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
