I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
