Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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