Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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