Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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