it was like eating out sand paper
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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