my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize