why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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