Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
