What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
