I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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