I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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