It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
is that a dick in a sweater?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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