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I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
