I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize