so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
