He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
